The Sh*t No One Told Me About: Being Pregnant

Alright, here we are, the last post of the series!  The shit no one told me about what it would be like to be pregnant. Obviously, pregnancy is different for every one.  And every pregnancy is different for the mama.  That being said, I am only sharing my only experience with pregnancy and it may get a little graphic! ;) 


The glorious first trimester.  We found out super early that we were expecting.  We were trying after all and I got pregnant on our first try.  We were crazy lucky - and scared shitless.  At first I couldn't believe that I was pregnant.  After the implantation happened ... I totally felt fine for weeks.  And then it hit me like a freight train around 8 weeks pregnant.  

TIRED.  I was more tired than I had ever been in my entire life.  I cannot even explain the level of exhaustion that I felt - it was unlike anything I had ever experienced.  I slept ALL THE TIME.  I would go to bed around 7:30pm/8:00pm and wake up around 9:00am.  I was unemployed from week 5 of pregnancy to week 11(?) and it couldn't have been a bigger blessing.  After getting 12-14 hours of sleep at night, I would even take a mid-afternoon nap.  That was truly the most glorious part of being unemployed and pregnant.  

NAUSEOUS.  I've been sick to my stomach, dizzy, nauseous, think I might puke ... many times in my life.  I used to be quite the party animal and have nursed many a hangover in my day.  But this was like a hangover ... every single day combined with a spinning carnival ride and you're so hungry but the thought of food will also make you puke.  Yeah, it was complete torture for several weeks in a row.  Worst part about having hangover symptoms while pregnant?  You can't even enjoy the wine or IPA that gives you the hangover symptoms.  I was so not hungry and sick to my stomach that I actually lost 8 pounds the first trimester.    

THE QUESTIONABLE GUT.  For most of the first trimester ... you don't look a bit different.  Except towards the end .. right around week 12... you start to get a little pot belly.  The kind of gut that people think ... man she has put on a little weight, ya know?  Is she pregnant?? Or, has she been skipping the gym and clean eating lately?  It's not a baby bump yet.  It's just a weird beer gut.  

BOOBIES.  Most of my loyal followers know by now that I've had breast augmentation.  So I wasn't really phased by this part of the first trimester when my boobs grew overnight.  However, they were more sensitive than they had ever been.  Just grazing my chest would make me nearly yelp in pain.  Luckily, that didn't last long either.  

THE SECRET GLOW.  We were so shocked and excited - but the hardest part of the first trimester is keeping it on the DL.  I mean pregnancies are so at risk in the beginning - that we didn't want to share and then have to un-share.  So when I wasn't sick to my stomach or completely exhausted ... I was so happy and excited but couldn't tell anyone. 

PEEING. ALL. THE. TIME.  Yup, pretty much immediately after finding out I was with chiiiiild, I was peeing every time I turned around.  Peeing in the middle of the night, peeing before I left to go somewhere, peeing once I arrived, ... I mean ... all the time.  

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Wow, we are already in the second trimester?! 

HELLO ENERGY.  I am not kidding you when I say that it's like a switch gets flipped in the second trimester and you suddenly have all the energy in the world.  

CRAVINGS.  Cravings really kicked in during the second trimester.  I wanted anything that had a hint of lime or sourness to it.  Chips with lime, lime frozen juice bars, lime greek yogurt, Watermelon Sour Patch Kids, sweet tarts, a Paloma, ... and a lime margarita.  I'm not a big margarita fan, but what I would have done for a real margarita .... 

ROUND LIGAMENT PAIN.  This symptom of pregnancy really hit me out of the blue.  It would always happen to me when I stretched in bed.  The second my arms went up and my legs stretched out, I would get the most terrible sharp pain in my lower sides of my stomach - near my hip flexors.  It would literally stop me dead in my tracks.  

SEX DRIVE.  Oh, yeaaaaah.  The books all said that some women love it and some women want nothing to do with sex during pregnancy.  I didn't want my husband NEAR me during the first trimester - but the second ... I couldn't get enough of him.  What a pleasant surprise the second trimester was against the first trimester.  That's all I'm going to say about that.  

FEELING THAT FIRST FLUTTER.  That first flutter.  Oh, it still makes my heart skip a beat.  I remember that it felt like little champagne bubbles in my belly.  Then I wondered, was that the baby, or was that gas?  Feeling the baby for the first few times was incredibly special.  It was truly my special moment because only I could feel her.  No one else could.  I miss that so much.  

THE WORST SYMPTOM EVER.  VULVAR VARICOSITY.  At about week 18 I decided to get a bikini wax.  Things were getting out of control.  Varicose veins run in my family and I have two or three on my legs.  The wax happened and was the most painful wax I have ever gotten.  I came home and thought maybe the wax had burned me.  I had purple 'blisters'.  I thought they would go away in a few days, 10 max.  Weeks later at my next check-up I asked my OB-GYN about it.  She broke the bad news to me and told me that I had a vulvar varicosity and that it wouldn't go away until the pressure off my pelvic floor subsided (aka until after the baby was born).  That was the worst thing - truly.  It took away all my desires to be intimate with my husband because I had this disgusting purple, plump vein sticking out.  If you're going through this now - it goes away - I promise.  Mine was gone before I went back for my two week postpartum check-up.        

OMG can this be over yet?  The best part about the third trimester was that I knew I was in the final stretch.  

NESTING. Man, I think I put her clothes away and then moved them around five more times after that.  Some nights I would even go into the baby's nursery and pull clothes out - look at them - and fold them back up to put them away.  

ATTENTION.  There's no mistaking a woman is pregnant when she has a beach ball bump, a legit waddle and is huffing and puffing just walking down the street.  I miss how helpful humanity was when I was in the third trimester.  I don't think I opened a single door for myself.  The only two downsides to the attention was when people touched my belly without asking me - like lady - please - hands to yourself and when random men (usually my drivers to work) would ask me all about my birth and breastfeeding plans.  LIKE - NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.  

OVER IT.  I can't say this enough ... I was soooo over it towards the end.  I know why pregnancy is so long.  Because in the second trimester - you're comfortable and scared shitless.  So you totally can wait and hope that baby stays inside.  Third trimester you progressively get so uncomfortable that the discomfort overtakes the fear.  You're like, "I don't care how scared I am of childbirth and becoming a mom - I am so heavy, tired, and OVER THIS - get the baby out!!"

SWELLING.  I was HUGE.  My ankles, my calves, my knees, my toes, my hands, my nose, my neck ... everything was swollen.  Thankfully the swelling went away about two weeks postpartum ... but that was one of the worst side effects.  

BEING OVERDUE.  Hardest part of pregnancy was being overdue and not knowing when this baby was going to decide to make his/her arrival.  I'm TYPE A++++.  I am a planner.  Just ask my husband.  I had planned the perfect, unmedicated, natural, vaginal birth on her due date (my grandma's birthday).  Let's just say ... Miss Pix had way other plans.  At eight days past due my team of doctors decided it was time to induce me ... and well let's just save that story for another day.  


This photo above was taken the first week of May - I had no idea that I would be pregnant for almost an entire month longer.  Looking back I still find that vessel to be so beautiful - because of all it did for me.  My body became an instrument - more than just an ornament. (A fellow BB coach, Ashlie Molstad referenced our bodies becoming instruments, not ornaments and I had to share!)  But, I would do it all again to have her - but man some parts of pregnancy were the hardest things I have ever gone through!  If you're pregnant now, don't worry - every pregnancy is different!  If you're a mom ... can you relate to any of the sh*t I went through?