Pregnancy Thoughts - 26 Weeks
CHILLS. This quote gives me chills.
Don't get me wrong - being pregnant has been one of the craziest and most miraculous experiences I have yet to go through - but that doesn't mean that I don't look at other areas of my body (everything but this cute little baby bump and huge boobs) and think - this body isn't mine.
I mean, this baby bump is the most incredible and absolutely perfect storm. All the things that have to perfectly go right to conceive - I feel so unbelievably fortunate and blessed that it happened so quickly and easily. That is not lost on me.
But there are moments where I look in the mirror - or look down - and think - who am I? Whose body am I trapped in?? The cellulite, the stretch marks, the extra fat places that wasn't there 7 months ago, the swelling ... I definitely don't feel like an 'Instagram prego' - tan with just a basketball bump - still rocking a bikini with a thigh gap and not one single dimple of cellulite.
((This last part is not to beg for you mamas to say, but you'll get it back! Or, you're pregnant and that's ok to feel this way. I am sharing for those currently going through this and thinking what the hell?!?!? xoxo ))
It's moments like that where I literally want to delete social media and crawl into a cave until Baby W arrives and I am able to find and get 'me' back.
And then I truly want to slap myself in the face. Because social media and society is the reason I feel this way to begin with - and if I cave and let it effect me then society wins.
How can I EVER say anything bad about my body - after all my body is giving to me and to my husband. How can I say anything negative after I feel our baby dancing around in my belly. Baby boy... baby girl... whatever. Mommy feels you and is still so surprised by your movements.
So I'm sharing this raw post with you in case you are that pregnant woman RIGHT NOW or if you recently brought precious life into this world and are still looking down and wondering truly ' where you are'.
Congrats to those prego mamas out there who are lean, perfectly tan, without a dimple their thighs or butt cheeks - I'm truly happy for you too. Happy that you get to bring precious life into this world. But I can't let genetics make me feel bad. I have a perfect and precious little human dancing inside of me that is half me and half the love of my entire f*cking life.
So while I don't feel sexy anymore and I don't feel attractive ... and I'm bloated and a bit swollen ... rocking some new dimples and about 20 new pounds.... I am not letting anything negative entire my mind and if something does enter my mind, I'm going to show those thoughts the door. I'm dismissing all thoughts like:
Do I look as big as I feel? Does my husband really think I'm attractive/sexy/gorgeous or is he just saying that because he is a smart and sweet husband? Will I ever get back into those jeans? <-- YUP all those thoughts I am showing the door. And, I encourage all my prego mamas out there to show their own mean girl thoughts the door!
Just some random Thursday thoughts! For all the mamas out there who aren't pregnant - have a glass of wine for me tonight. ;)